IN NAME ONLY 

written and performed by JAMES SCHNEIDER

produced by 
SCOTT BENNETT

©2013 Hero Mask Music
LISTEN HEREhttps://soundcloud.com/james-schneider
 
 
RIGHT THERE						

When the Want Ads don’t really want you
And the Census says, you don’t count
And you call 911, but it rings on and on…and on and on

If you think that the Lord doesn’t think you exist
And your service dog looks all around
And your name can’t be found anywhere on The List
And you feel all stuck in the ground

I’ll be Right There
Right there with you
I’ll be right there, too

And it’s a little bit more than La Petite Mort
S'il vous plaît, if you’ll pardon my French
‘Cause the time to complain is better spent catching rain
That’s just something I learned in the trench

If your school says you never attended
Cause your permanent record got erased
And to me, you look like a goddess
Even if you prefer not to be her, 
but rather just a pretty face

Well, I’ll be --- Right There 
I’ll be Right There with you
I’ll be Right There, if you want me to
I’ll be right where you might hope I’d appear
Even if you don’t hear me say ‘Boo’

Right There with you
I’ll be Right There, what more can I do?
We make quite a pair, but we’re just part of the crew
Even if you don’t hear me say ‘I Love You’

(I’ll be) Right There even if you don’t think I care
(I’ll be) Right There even if you don’t think it’s fair

Right There with you
I’ll be Right There, if you want me to
I’ll be right where you might hope I’d appear
And I’ll say it again
‘Cause I already been
Right there, too. 

© 2010 James Schneider       p 2013 Hero Mask Music
IF ONLY I LIKED STRIPPERS	

If Only I Liked Strippers
Like you do, like you say you do
I don’t need no artificial sweetener
Don’t wanna watch, like Chauncey Gardener

Cause if I look but cannot touch
It don’t mean much, in fact it’s worse
To sit and suffer, let’s call it as it is
As she warms her hands in what once was my purse

Chorus
Take it off when it means something
Meet me halfway when we’re alone
Take it off when it’s not so safe
Cause I don’t wanna bitch, but I do want to moan

You’re friends with twenty strippers… on FaceBook
You’re a V.I.P. to the Industry 
But at the end of the night, hey, you’re just talking to me

Cause if you look, but can’t be pleased
How fun is that?  In fact it’s a tease
She can talk to you like a shrink or a nurse
But when the show dies down you still got the guy’s curse
When the show dies down you still got the guy’s curse

Chorus

She can talk to you like a priest in the Church
You connect with her til you’re ready to burst
Maybe I’m being a guy, thinking last things first --
But the tune won’t change 
til up drives my hearse
No, my tune won’t change 
til up drives my hearse

Chorus

If I wanted to chat I’d pick up the phone
Every dog has his day, but still wants his bone
The courtesy van’s in the white parking zone
I don’t want to bitch, I’d rather both have us moan

If Only I Liked Strippers…

© 2010 James Schneider         p 2013 Hero Mask Music
©2016 James SchneiderJames_Schneider.htmlshapeimage_5_link_0
HOW LONG			

She asked When? I told her Always
She asked Will you be?  I said, Of course.
How long you gonna be my Daddy?

I told her Now, into next week, 
for a thousand years, if we don’t speak
How long you gonna have to ask me?

She said Why? I said, Forever
Look me in the eye, consider the source
You see a Red Nose and pants that are Baggy?

Every day; stack ‘em one by one 
til they reach the sun, past the Milky Way
That’s how long I’m gonna be
How long you can call me
 
Even if I trip and fall, from the pedestal you put me on
How long you gonna be my Angel? 
She said Not for long --
I’m getting bigger, growing faster than this song, 
I figure.
Is that so wrong?

If I get home and you’re upset 
by the choice of boy that I have met
How long you gonna stay mad at me?

Is this a dream? Is this a test? 
You always had a knack to pick the best
How bona fide is his guarantee?

Every day; stack ‘em one by one til they reach the sun, 
past the Milky Way
That’s how long I’m gonna be
How long you can call me
Even if I trip and fall, from the pedestal you put me on
How long you gonna be my Angel? 
She said Not for long--
I’m getting bigger, growing faster than this song, 
I figure.
Is that so wrong?

If I turn away from your embrace
If I slam a door right in your face
How strong you gonna be?

I said Hold on, let’s all relax.  
I packed your lunch and there’s some snacks.
How long? How long?
How Long you gonna be my Baby?
How Long you gonna be my Baby?

© 2010 James Schneider      p 2013 Hero Mask Music
	IN NAME ONLY  

            The wife lost her libido 
            Or maybe she changed the lock
            Wedded bliss blows over
            Fifty years left on the clock

After the kids are born
And the home factory goes dark
The wife stares at the ceiling
Passion stuck in park

(Too bad for the)  
Man in name only
Prematurely put out to pasture
He’s slave to a circumstance that has no Master
He’s a man in name only

And you wonder:
Why do guys always go younger?
Once the ladies have their babies
They lose their biological hunger

	It’s been a long time
Since you even kissed her
You turn in every night
More like brother and sister
You keep her up all night
But not like before
She claims you sleep diagonal
Shake the house with your snore

(Too bad for the)
Wife in name only
She’s too hot, she’s too cold
She got laundry to fold
For her man in name in only

And you ponder:
Is it only Big Bad Wolves that will wander?
And the Princess no longer minces her words
Happy Endings just fade in the distance 

For the couple in name only
They don’t do it like they used to
They don’t do it at all
They couple, in name only
 
And he says, in the Year of the Tiger 
I ain’t even no David Duchovny
He says, I just want the woman I married
To hold, and to love me.
To hold, and to love me.

Got the food and shelter he needs
He’s a slave to a circumstance that has no Master
There he stands, in the weeds

He feels like a man, in name only
I feel like a man, in name only
But still, I’m a man

© 2010 James Schneider
p 2013 Hero Mask Music